INTRODUCTION:

Parenting as a responsible job is seen as a crucial phase of life by both humans and animals. Humans have added need of socializing and cohabiting in a manner that is regarded civilized.

Families are the bonds biologically created and nurtured by the values developed over time. Indian Family System, by most of the people is considered to be a successful establishment offering socio, economic, psychic support to the members present in it. Interdependence here is not a set-back rather the main focal point of the social structure. Joint families are still looked as a prime agent to pass on family values, traditions, habits and culture to the ensuing generations and Parenting is the momentous tool through which all these values are taught. Cooperation is the key word that is insisted almost every day. Indian families are mostly those following patriarchal ideologies. In joint families the hierarchal lines are clearly delineated so that rules to keep check on the behavior, etiquettes and those needed for the ‘right socialising’ are framed and followed. This willful setup of greater readiness and involvement in all issues makes the fundamental for the individual’s future course of living, be it official or personal. Interdependence is the hub that offers the strength, stability, proximity, resilience and endurance to the joint family structure argued to have greater therapeutic participation offering the much needed support system. Sholevar (2003)defines “family therapy as any use of a family focused intervention to bring out behavioural and or attitudinal changes in one or more family members”

Parenting has been changing over the years with ever challenging need to cater to the demands of the members of the family. These days it is getting competitive with changing styles. Few fundamental alterations are made according to the changing times. The demandingness of parents and the attitude to explore found in children invariably compels to design redesign the style of parenting. Parents of this generation feel victimized to the changing trends which were not the scenario then in their own childhood. While the present generation is the first ever ones to wake up in the world of computers, smartphones, tablets, and many more gadgets made available these days. They cannot assume or imagine a world sans ICT. Digital natives, screenagers, whiz kids, millennial, tweeples, netizens and many more such words are being added into the ever growing digital age language that are here only to re-assure the current age parents of rapidly changing trends.

Quick adoption of internet and technological usage by the younger generation gives rise to technology acceptance style in parenting. Elders in the family carry concerns on building a safe and constructive environment for posterity. Sethi (1989) has observed the “strong networks of kinship ties in Indian extended families” and that relatives who may not live closely, as they may have once, still do maintain strong bondage that emotional and even economical support is offered to each other. Parenting styles vary from being permissive to authoritative. Few to avoid unhappy encounters with their children offer the privilege of no explicit boundaries letting follow their wish and will. While authoritative style marks limited boundaries with the expectations of gentle behavior and readiness to share responsibilities. Rosen (2008) has stated that “Research has found that parenting style is related to child internet behavior”. Despite the theory many psychologists believe parental care and warmth with pragmatic approach towards their children can help younger minds develop resilience and openness to understand the hidden risks in their inquisitive digital world. Now digital parenting means using digital tools as an aid for parenting. Thanks to technology which has dramatically and drastically changed the paradigm of living. It is thoroughly a soft battle between the curious Digital Natives and helpless Digital Immigrants. The constant fear of ethics and privacy makes parents discharge their responsibilities in setting standards and rules to draw a clear line differentiating authority and autonomy, opportunity and challenge.

REVIEW OF LITERATURE:

Freed (2015) introduces Scott Keeter of Pew Research Center in Carolina, USA saying, “If the US has a national religion, the closest thing to it is faith in technology”. This scenario probably can be applied to all nations developing digitally, given the fact that India is faster growing smart phone market vying to expand its tentacles of internet to cover almost its entire population. Many netizens repose their faith clearly in technology. Freed also substantiates his views with the research inputs of the Kaiser Family Foundation “Today’s children 8-18 years old spend an astounding five and half hours every day indulging in various entertainment screen technologies. Seven and half hours (TV and computer together) with additional two and half hour texting and talking on the phone”. This only poses challenge to parents to see their children technologically connected rather than emotionally being connected with their own families. This digital self amusement marginalizes parents and teachers as technically incompetent. Heitner (2016) writes on the digital needs of the present generation children, “They prefer graphics before their text. Thrive on instant gratification and frequent rewards. They prefer games to serious work. Digital natives can also be digital naives, who may be clueless about the quality of the information they consume or the ways their own data is being aired”. The younger internet population trying desperate to keep themselves interestingly busy has the risk of lacking in screen wisdom. This again becomes the responsibility of the parent striving hard to comprehend the nuances of the new world with sources galore. Indicating that they are smart surfers, children are able to handle interactive apps, create short amateur videos, upload and download various contents, fake photos, review peers and do much more.

It is surprising to know that many parents worldwide are confronting similar problems who hail from different geographic, economic, social conditions having better access to advance facilities, struggling to only explain to their innocent children that this new found attraction of engrossing into the screens for long hours oblivious of family milieu, robs them off their precious childhood that they would want to cherish even after becoming adults. Ratner (2014) recollects on his advice to his daughter “Time that, in order for her to become a fully formed, communicative, well rounded human being, should be spent relating with family and friends, learning to read and using verbal, social and emotional skills of negotiation, compromise, and fair play – skills that can only be learned face to face”. Children learn many things from being action oriented, say pediatricians. Crawling, grabbing and testing things by feeling them contributes to their learning skills and these activities are changing today by being arrested to a couch, only groping with bright screen devices and losing on their other comprehension activities and development of motor skills. Employed parents have a critical time in managing their young ones, adjusting to their timely needs, coping with their growing up, affording to their demands. Spending quality time with them while also balancing their official and personal time, makes it even more challenging to keep track of what their children are doing online in their presence as well as absence. Comparatively, the other medium do offer only fewer and less interesting choices to keep young children engaged, leaving them to electronic baby sitters. Ratner (2014) also quotes ULCA neuro scientist, Dr. Gary Small who is the author of iBrain: Surviving the Technical Alteration of the Modern Mind, “The downside of such immersion in technical devices is that (children are) not having conversations, looking at people in the eye, or noticing verbal cues. These are important techniques so to speak, that have evolved over centuries and are tremendously powerful”.

Physicians and many studies vouch for reduced attention span, increased social fear, time lost for school work, growing obese, dipping academic performance and much more owing to long hours occupation with electronic and other communication devices. Media time seems to be greater than that spent with parents at home and teachers in school. Uhls (2015) in her book brings to our notice that in a couple of years from 2011 to 2013 the usage and owning of mobile and other communication devices have doubled that it has grown around 78%. She also points out that rapid proliferation of these technologies is unique. When the mainstream media like Radio and Television took 38 and 13 years respectively to reach around 50 million people, according to Ulhs, it was just in 2 years a popular social media reached to many millions. With user friendly options, easier surfing on touch screen devices allow adolescent children to early exposure of undesirable content including violent videos. Bridging the digital generation gap becomes complicated with the realization of the blatant difference between what parents underwent as children and what today’s children get to experience. Toddlers today easily out smart their elders in keeping abreast of newer additions in the world of web.

Heitner(2016) points out to the phrase used by technology researcher Sherry Turkle, “alone together”. This has been the scenario in most of the homes raising the concern of parents that their children withdraws from real socialization and prefers virtual connectivity. Heitner advices that parents have to “focus on modeling thoughtful use of it, creating times to be unplugged, and teaching kids, ways to repair mistakes”. Children learn the digital habit mostly from their own parents or peers. Parents also believe that the future success of their children depends on the digital fluency and they are proud that they acquire those skills faster than they themselves did. The new world is alluring because it is highly interactive and forever changing. These communicative devices open an entire different world to children that parents have to understand that maturity and growing up are two different things. Socialisation makes people productive and valuable members of the society, a theory that is gotten from traditional transfers every family intending to create a strong social structure. Kohn (2005) points to a thought embedded in the minds of parents, “Nevertheless, we parents are often pulled in the direction of placing conditions on our approval. We are led to do so not only by what we were raised to believe, but also by the way we were raised”. It also becomes essential in learning that children don’t grow up only with the usage of technical devices and continue to be around with the same characteristics of a child. Family albums these days have migrated to digital mediums, allowing many others to share, comment and like on it. Emotions of children are never being considered by the parents who also tend to balance their online social activities in the presence of their children and they do not consult with the younger minds on they way they feel, say child counselors.

Chadda and Deb (2013) in their psychiatry journal mentions that family is an establishment living together sailing through all phases of their lifetime. They refer to what the Father of family therapy in India, Vidyasagar believes “unchanging nurturant and benevolent family core is often sentimentalisation of an altruistic society”. In the 119^th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association, it was observed that while the continuous exposure to the available online content present risk and sometimes benefit to children, it was also iterated that parents only tend to waste their time who are surreptitiously trying to monitor their kids’ online activities. Participating in the convention, Dr. Larry D. Rosen, a Professor of Psychology in California State University, points out that, Teens who use social media more often start exhibiting narcissistic tendencies and signs of other psychological disorders for they believe the virtual lives posted by their peers. The negative effects on them also include anti-social behavior, mania and aggressive attitude leading to anxiety and depression argues, Dr. Rosen. The tender minds are vulnerable to get distracted and impact learning negatively, making them susceptible to major health issues later in their lives. Various studies reveal drastically lower academic performance to those who check their social accounts at least once every fifteen minutes. The values of being empathetic, benevolent and caring are lost to while only showing virtual empathy says psychologists.

Dr. Larry Rosen like any other child psychologist insists on parents to pay attention to the latest and changing online trends preferred and watched by their children and “communication is the crux of parenting. You need to talk to your kids, or rather, listen to them. The ratio of parent listen to parent talk should at least be five to one. Talk one minute and listen for five”. Therefore it is believed that emotional benefits could be attained by starting to talk on the appropriate technology use that a trust is built with each other eventually encouraging children to talk when there is a problem of being bullied or viewing disturbing images. The learnings of the peers can be shared often between parents to teach children on the importance of consent, becoming responsible communicators and upstanding netizens. For this parents must also be ready to rethink their online behavior and protecting their family time so as to build effective road maps for building optimistic communities and expanding lives through social media. Steinberg (2017) writes “Children are constantly absorbing messages from many sources, including parents. They mimic these observed behaviours in adolescence and adulthood. It is quite possible that parental sharing has taught children that sharing another person’s pictures and storiesis expected and appropriate. Indeed many children spent their elementary school years with little recourse to their parents’ online sharing”. It is very vital to ensure that children are made to understand the ways to control their digital foot prints and how they are crucial players in shaping the future of the society they are soon going to live in. The relationship between parents and children should be strengthened giving way for trust, loyalty, honesty and integrity. Children especially need regular guidance on what to see and what to believe in those existing for them in the virtual world and how important it is to get positive and constructive that their social cohesion becomes meaningful while understanding that cultural network is interwoven with strong human values.

METHODOLOGY:

This study was entirely carried out in the city of Chennai, and few Indian families living in abroad. 50 families were selected at random from heterogeneous group with children of age between 3 and 16. It was ensured that parents from Upper Middle Class, Middle Class and Lower Middle Class were chosen to answer the survey. Families with one or two children were chosen and predominantly having technology literate children. This study wanted to examine and analyse parental habits, concerns, styles on the use of technology. The study also chose to find the difference in parenting style as nuclear families where parents resided only with their children and also as joint families where the families had parents, children along with their grandparents. The study was initially planned with issuance of questionnaires. 25 questions were intended with 5 other sub questions. The questions ranged from the basics seeking details on the family asking for the number of family members, their economic status, etc to their technology practice and rules insisted by the parents. It was also intended to find if the children own devices. The questionnaire was bi-lingual so as to extract the true situation prevailing in the families. The families were given the choice to answer in the language they preferred. The questions were framed to be simple to avoid any ambiguity and that every member in the family could understand them easily. The questions were designed to derive one word answers so that the respondents do not get tired of writing lengthy and winding answers. Multiple choices were not desired for the study because the parents should not be forced to choose their style only from those given by the researcher. By being open to answers it was believed that unique and newer methods so far unknown could also be derived to give new dimensions to the study. Most of the questions were targeted on the parents and their habits and behavior that this sample can stand as a model to a larger population. Few questions were sought to get answers on the behavior of children with and without communication devices and their social media activity. Parents were allowed to write what they have observed on their children.

Even with the all the questionnaires filled up, the answers that were derived were not providing satisfactory results the study intends to find. Therefore it was decided to also speak to the parents directly or through phone. All the 50 families chosen for the study were interviewed. Parents living abroad were contacted through mail and later via phone. The veracity of the answers was ensured during the face to face and phone interviews made with the parents. The questions during the interviews too were simple that it helped draw direct answers. According to the response received from the respondents the problems encountered by the parents were understood. To help get solutions to the prevailing confusions and complexities faced by parents today, the study also chose to seek expert opinions from counselors who are performing the duties of a psycho and socio analysis of this trending issue. In-depth interviews were conducted with them seeking the working out ways for parents to help better understand the needs of their children and cope with the changing demands of life style. Two counselors were chosen both being women, there were instantly able to relate to the persisting problems and give solutions from the perspectives of a father, mother and children. The counselors are regularly visiting schools to know on the demands of children both academically and personally. They also get to talk to parents very often to know the divide that is gradually getting deeper between parents and children.

ANALYSIS AND RESULTS:

From the 50 families chosen for the study, 30% were from the upper middle class strata and Indian families living abroad. 60% of the families were from the middle class and the rest 10% were from lower middle class group. 47 families have 2 children each, 3 other families have only one child. The familiar fixtures seen in the chosen families were Television, Desktop computers or laptops, smartphones. Few have tabs and other gaming devices. All the families admitted the use of technology by their children and every family allowed the usage of the same. 20% were parents of children under the age of 5 and remaining 80% have children aged between 5 and 16. 90% of families are residing in Chennai city. 10% of families are Nonresident Indians living in the US and the UK. 98% of families have both parents employed, while 2% have only the husbands as earning members. All the families taken for the study believed in the Indian ideology of parenting and insisted on the sentimental values needed for the togetherness. 5 families had grandparents with them and all of them from paternal lineage. None of the families had extended joint families with paternal uncles and their children. Though the families varied in style, culture and traditional beliefs and also from varied economic class, it can be observed that all of them have electronic and other communication devices. 98% of parents who took part in the study use technological and social medium for their work and personal use. Each parent in the 50 families does own a smart phone. 15% of children own a smart phone or a tab that was willfully bought by their parents especially those older in their age. 95% of fathers and 85% of mothers have a social media account. 30% of children have their own accounts on every popular social medium. 40% of children have access to their parents’ social media accounts (mostly accounts of the mothers) and they browse through them freely.The rest 30% of children are too young to be aware on social media accounts. 90% of parents believe that access to technology is essential for the successful academic performance of their children. Children below the age 10 seem to be uninterested in social media groups. But they are keen on gaming and surfing for videos.

Nearly 80% of parents said their children use technology in the presence of either of them. 30% allow them to choose and help navigate what the child wants to know. And the other 10% feel complicated to help or monitor what the child is doing online because it is beyond their capacity to understand. But these trends are mostly attributed only to the school work. The trend is reversed when it comes to personal use or frittering away time with no intended purpose. Some 70% of parents believe that technology and other medium help their child or children for their learning and staying aware of the developments in outside world. 60% of parents feel that the exposure to technology has an advantage of improving the language skills of the children. 70% believe that it aids in improving the much needed technology skills which in turn would help shape their career lives. 30% of parents seem to accept that their communication skills of their children have improved. There are a series of concerns too that are affecting parents. 80% are worried on too much screen time. 75% parents feel if children could secretively be exposed to inappropriate content. 60% worried on the influence of peers and commercials aimed at children that children keep demanding newer things each day. 65% parents think that it has affected the time children spend outside or even with other family members. 15% of parents think it is safer for their children to stay within doors with gadgets than playing outside.

Inference and Findings:

While involved in the study and talking to parents of various class and culture they consider that their child being digitally active is a sign of pride. Most of the parents in upper middle class families have ensured that their children own a device and it is essential that they have it. They admit that all of their peers do have a device and so it is their duty to get one for their children too. Whereas in middle class families and lower middle class families the kids do not own a device but have easy access to their parents’ smart phones or computers. It is also understood that many children prefer using the devices owned by their mothers more than that of their fathers. Slightly older children access the social accounts of their parents (especially that of the mothers). Parents too argue that these days school work and work at home activities are shared via email or other groups formed on social media. It has become essential to have internet access every day to complete the school work. Parents exercise control during exams by refraining them from using all the devices.

Parents are happy to see their children being able to surf internet and operate other gadget with much ease which they once had found tougher. Parents of much younger children, who may not know on the social media and its process, feel that it is these communicative and electronic devices that keep them occupied and they use it very often to silence their obstinacy. They also inform that only during those occupied hours people at home find their own time to complete other tasks. Apart from these reasons parents also use these devices to put their children to sleep, coax them to finish their school homework, to satisfy them when they get too demanding and much more. It is clear that many young children are introduced to these devices by their parents and operate them frequently by only observing their parents, while little older children are influenced by their peers at school and other places. Very few parents, countable number of them, do know on the privacy settings and the means to block not-so-good sites. They also know the ways to protect their own devices by installing finger-proof scanner and other complicated procedures to enter the phones or computers. These methods are also challenged by children who are aged between 12 and 16. They seem to know to break into number passwords, pattern passwords etc. They also make sure that they delete their browsing history making it tougher for their parents who tend to check on what sites were seen by them previously.

At the same time parental guidance and just being together with the children helping them browse have proved to give positive results. Children are able to learn newer things and make best use of their time at home. Parents are also able to vouch for their curiosity in finding newer information. It also looks like parent show extra care in monitoring their daughters than their sons. There seem to be a difference in restriction of online time for both genders, leading to sibling war in many homes. Mothers at home feel unhappy about their incapacity in not being able to cope with the rate of change their kids are undergoing with the presence of technology and communication gadgets. Children are generally keen in learning newer things and find it comfortable using and exploring the devices that are at their reach. Engaging children at all times is a huge task, feel parents, competing with ever growing vistas in the virtual world. Parents of the spastic children are facing a different situation, where they are not able to judge the mentality of the child and when engrossed in the digital world they tend to get more aggressive if being stopped, say the parents. Generally these children are said to show out erratic behavior and obstinacy. Guiding them is a tough task according to the parents who seek help of their physicians regularly. Touch screens offer great liberty of getting alone anywhere. It is becoming even more difficult in finding kids who are hiding aloof with their touch screen gadgets.

In conversation with the chosen counselors, it was understood that parents can promote healthy online habits and help children limit their navigations within the safer zones. They insist on parents spending quality time with the children and listening to their needs. Lender (2014) has offered pragmatic solutions towards nurturing safe, balanced and connected children and teens by Creating digital floor plan, knowing the technology, developing access restrictions and expectations, being consistent with children, explaining on the consequences, practicing what is being preached.

· Technology that is growing each day is definitely attractive and creative, that it must be understood that not all screen time is bad. Parental guidance can keep children into safe zones

· Interactive educational activity can be worked through and parents can use such opportunity to bond with their children which can help change the time very positive. Parents can become mentors to help children and guide them through right media use.

· A family media plan can be worked out by talking out honestly and openly with children on the media use. Also children can be encouraged to form their own rules so they are emotionally compelled to follow their own rules.

· Children are keen observers that they keep checking on parents’ behavior too. So when necessary to use the computers or smart phones for work purpose it is essential that children are honestly told about it.

· Parents can involve children in getting the household work done in a challenging way. New methods and interesting game plans to achieve the work can also be designed. They can be taken outside to public spaces and encouraged to play actively.

· Parents should understand adolescence. Maintaining friendly relationships can yield better results. Discussing all issues they need to know makes a difference. When parents do not hide anything from their children, they try and reciprocate the same.

· Parents of spastic children can engage them in special classes that teach these children various art forms and craft works. That gradually they can be brought out of the digital addiction.

REFERENCES:

1. Freed, Richard. Wired Child Reclaiming Childhood in a Digital Age. South Carolina: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015. P.4

2. Heitner, Devorah. Screenwise – Helping Kids Thrive in Their Digital World. Abingdon Oxon, UK: Bibliomotion Inc., 2016. P. 2

3. Kohn, Alfie. Unconditional Parenting – Moving from Rewards and Punishments To Love and Reason. New York: Atria Books, 2005. Pg.11

4. Lender, Winfred Lloyds. A Practical Guide to Parenting in the Digital Age – How to nurture safe, balanced and connected children and teens. South Carolina: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2014

5. Moore, Eileen Kennedy and Lowenthal, Mark S. Smart Parenting for Smart Kids. San Francisco, CA: Jossey – Bass / Wiley, 2011.

6. Ratner, Bill. Parenting for ther Digital Age. USA: FamiliusLLC., 2014. P.5

7. Sholevar, Pirooz G. Ed., Schwoeri, Linda A. Textbook of Family and Couples Therapy: Clinical Applications. Rockville MD: Aspen, 2003. Pp 3 – 25.

8. Ulhs, Yalda T. Media Moms and Digital Dads. New York: Bibliomotion, Inc., 2015

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· Dunckley, Victoria L. “Hey Parents – Put Down Those Devices” Psychology Today. June 27, 2017. Aug 28, 2017. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mental-wealth//201706/hey-parents-put-down-those-devices

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· Sethi, B B. “Family as a Potent Therapeutic Force” Indian J. Psychiatry, 1989; 31- 22.

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· WEBSITES

· Dower, Malaika. “How to get away with Parenting” htgawp. Apr 16, 2017. Aug 25, 2017. https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-get-away-with-parenting/id1084576130

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· Markham, Laura. “Change your Parenting: Get me Re-write!” Psychology Today. Aug 31, 2017. Sep 4, 2017.https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201708/change-your-parenting-get-me-re-write

· Rosen, Larry. “Social Networking’s Good and Bad Impacts on Kids”. American Psychological Association. Aug 6, 2011. Aug 26, 2017. www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2011/08/social-kids.aspx

· Steinberg, Stacey. “Parents’ Social Media Habits are Teaching Children the Wrong Lessons” TheWashington Post. July 31, 2017. Aug 24, 2017. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2017/07/31/parents-social-media-habits-are-teaching-kids-the-wrong-lessons/?utm_term=.e6b23564cc2a

Received on 24.10.2017 Modified on 08.12.2017

Res. J. Humanities and Social Sciences. 2018; 9(1): 196-202.

DOI: 10.5958/2321-5828.2018.00035.9